Treysii's Top 6 Things YOU MUST KNOW about
Men, Women and The Sex-Love Game
It's common knowledge that men and women are different. And even with this commonly known fact, each still tries to bring the other to their way of being. Big mistake. The masculine and feminine energies are complimentary not conjunct. Too much fem and all goes soft. Too much mas and it all goes to war. Men are men and Women are, well ... complicated. Isn't this the myth? Hahaha! The true frustration is that in the battle of the sexes each really wants connection, albeit for very different reasons. And not understanding these differences (doubly complicated by the person who's uncertain of who they are energetically) leads to devastating heartbreak and can wear on self-esteem so doggedly that shame becomes the underlying sexual identity. Tsk tsk tsk... and sex is supposed to be fun! Love is supposed to be an anchor in the stormy waters of life. So how can men "get lucky" and how can women "get love?"
I've crystalized 6 important things to keep in mind as you battle it out for the yummy, hot, intimacy that is our primal, God-designed desire - our God-given urge to merge.
Here they are:
1. Nobody likes a pushover. Women AND men, practice holding your energy without telling EVERYTHING in the first month of knowing the potential yumminess who's captivated your every waking thought. Don't be so easy. Believe me, if you're feelin' it, they'll know, but the GREAT part is that they'll have to guess about it! Keep 'em wondering. Keep those neurochemicals flowing!
2. Flirt! Dust off the flirt in you to keep it light and fun. No unresolved sad, sad stories or "I need you to help me with(s)" for at least 90 days! As you do get to know one another, of course, you'll talk about your life's journey. But seriously, just give tidbits here and there. This way you'll have something revealing for deeper talk over the long haul or - over breakfast. Which brings me to the next point.
3. No Nookie for 90 days unless you're BOTH just looking for fun (Ladies you'll thank me for this one - I like 70% organic chocolate and hand-written cards.) You see, sweet and strong, delicious men, the ones you want, want to bed you as quickly as possible. Only problem is, that as soon as they do, they're usually gone like the wind. You see, men don't bond during sex in the way that most women do. Women, it's first your mystery and then your unique way of being that bonds men to you. Give him a chance to know you - without telling him everything - and give him a chance to pursue you. Men who know how to pursue you for 90 days know how to stick with things worthwhile, like working, and building their dreams. If he sticks around to wait for you while still trying to win you, that same ambition will do what it takes to provide for you. Ambition in a man is good, good, good thing. Men I wouldn't suggest you take this approach. She'll think you're not into her and plus it'll be no fun for you - unless you're shut down to your masculinity (it does happen) - as it's your natural nature to be competitive hunters.
4. Be Real. There is no plane, there is no fantasy island, unless the two of you create it knowingly and with intentions for a wild, fun, exciting excursion. Honesty really is the best policy. Don't play games unless you'll both win the prize. Don't start something and lie about what you really want so that the other player is completely unaware of your intentions. Karma is no joke and WILL get you! It's like the Swat Team of the Universe. Save yourself the headache. The trick here is that honesty isn't in your words to the world, it lives in the words that you say and don't say to yourself. Get real, get honest and then proceed.
5. Navigate to Communicate. Let your actions be your words when you're trying to truly win the affection of the one who's renting all that space in your mind. Ladies, do not tell him what you like or want more than 2 or 3 times, tops. If he's not bringing it, (opening the door, flowers, calling, massaging your feet or aching back) then chances are he never will. This is your clue. Do not mis-read it or make excuses for him. And God forbid, don't make up some fantasy about who he is. Do you want a man or a son? And please let him be a man and take care of you! That is what you want, isn't it? Let him order for you, tend to you, protect you, adore you, worship you. And absolutely no complaining about him, to him. If he's not fittin' the bill, then gently move away from the "he's-the-one-I-want" plan and keep it casual - in a gracious, lady-like way.
Fellas, come on strong if you really want her, but in increments. Call everyday or every other day. But keep it brief. No long, long conversations, just let her know you were thinking about her, try and listen for her smile. Keep something for your dates (this info doesn't apply to long distance romance, that's a whole other topic) And only ask her out once a week or every 10 days in the first month. Show her you want to provide for her and help her. I can hear a few of you now, "Here's the money thing again." Yes, it is the money thing again, and then some. In short, for you to feel like a man you have to have the experience of feeling like you're caring for her. So yes, that's the money thing and it's also lightening up her load. There's a collective consciousness around this that I'll explore in the future, promise.
Deep down you know what I'm saying is true, right? So just go with it. Take a stand, firmly and playfully if you can manage that, for what you believe in and don't back down. She may fight you a bit, "I can open my own door" "Oh, you shouldn't have..." "Yeah, right, I bet you say that to all the ladies" Just laugh and let her know what you stand for, tell her how you feel without telling her about your burning desire for her, let your actions do that. Oh, she'll feel it if you do it right. And she'll come to respect and trust your strength and she'll know you can handle her with all of her complex beauty. And God forbid, don't say you're gonna do something and then not follow through. This is a cardinal sin for a woman who knows her worth. Do you want a doormat or a Queen who can't resist lavishing her royal affections on you? And no controlling, complaining or unsolicited advising. Just listen and ask her if she wants to know what you think, or say something like "Wow, Really? I would've never seen it that way. I think..." Get it? If she's truly clueless and falling apart, then by all means, take charge! By seeing your caring concern and ability, she'll open up to you more deeply. That is what you want, right?
6. Do The Work to know and own yourself. Neediness, desperation and low self- esteem cannot be covered up by money, a hot body or fab clothes and pretty face for long. They will come forward and it ain't pretty when they do. Most relationships, whether casual or deep, fail because of unexamined, unresolved pain and shame and the resultant emotional immaturity that goes hand in hand with the inability to own and love thyself fully. Knowing yourself and your inadequacies allows you to be true to thine own heart and to the hearts of others. Casanova bedded hundreds of women leaving most completely satisfied and happy to have known him. That's because he knew how to be real about who he was, what he could, couldn't and wouldn't do. He knew what he wanted and wholeheartedly treated the women he so passionately adored as a beautiful and unique precious rarities. Women who love well, have learned who they are and know their womanly worth. They're steady and strong in the most feminine way and will not accept less than what they desire. They don't whine and complain. Their wisdom speaks and their actions show men exactly who they are and how to treat them. They allow men to adore them because they're certain and clear about what they're comfortable with. The Queen of Sheba knew her worth, knew what she wanted and knew how to have King Solomon writing epic poetry about her (and he had 700 wives and concubines who ) while lavishing her with many lavish gifts, including protecting her territory and its people, and other deeply poetic gestures.
If you need work in this area - you know the unexamined, unresolved pain, shame thing - let's chat about it. I'd love love to help you get what you want. Just hit the "Contact" link and leave me your number and current challenge in the comment box, and I'll be in touch. Until then...