Getting help is a good thing. I just published this website... what a process. I've been working on the content since June. I've been through 3 template website do-it-yourself providers and had to start over each time. This is a huge deal for me since 1) I'm so not a computer person and 2) I used to quit and move on to something else when things got too difficult.
I didn't know that for most of my adult life, I'd been playing a game with myself. "Dream and Distract." It's comforting to stay small and hide. Comforting to the part of me that's afraid. But what happens to the dreamer in me when I do that?
Well, the dream becomes a nightmare, or in the very least, a scary place. I remember I started noticing little things like how I'd look at someone who was doing what I wanted to be doing and I'd have this funny, uncomfortable feeling inside. Or how I'd reason away my satisfaction, making due, negotiating away my contentment. Or how I'd feel nervous and hot in the face talking about myself or speaking my opinion aloud. I couldn't even describe the most basic things about what I wanted in life. What had happened to me? Who'd I become?
When I finally admitted to myself that I had long ago detoured from the enthused, energetic person I'd known myself to be, I felt the pain of the years of self-denial come rushing through my heart like a 1,000 foot high bursting dam. It was a lot. It was heavy. It was the break I needed.
I worked through my "new awareness", my anxious sadness and fear with a spiritual practitioner (2 actually ;-) and began to heal the stringent depravation I had placed upon myself. I'm smiling as I think back to myself cracking open, I was so scared! I've come a long way. I can trust the unknown. I'm okay with my self-doubt. I know how to bring in my self-doubt slayer or my self-doubt soother - whichever one I need in the moment - to take care of me. I know how to be there for myself because my spiritual practitioners were there for me until I could believe. They were there to help me see my strength and my dreams.
I had a tuff time getting this site up, and it's not perfect, but I kept on. I got help and I continue to ask for help. I trust. I'm working with a business mentor who called me out. Even with all the progress I've made, I was still hiding. I don't have to know "why," I'm just thankful for the help. She helped me see that my fear was masquerading as "website perfection" and letting go of that allowed me take the first step toward my dream of opening the doors of my soul coaching practice on-line so I could connect with and help a lot more people work through their stuff.
Help is alright. Help is good. I help. I get help. And so it goes. We all help each other and that is indeed, a very good thing.
I didn't know that for most of my adult life, I'd been playing a game with myself. "Dream and Distract." It's comforting to stay small and hide. Comforting to the part of me that's afraid. But what happens to the dreamer in me when I do that?
Well, the dream becomes a nightmare, or in the very least, a scary place. I remember I started noticing little things like how I'd look at someone who was doing what I wanted to be doing and I'd have this funny, uncomfortable feeling inside. Or how I'd reason away my satisfaction, making due, negotiating away my contentment. Or how I'd feel nervous and hot in the face talking about myself or speaking my opinion aloud. I couldn't even describe the most basic things about what I wanted in life. What had happened to me? Who'd I become?
When I finally admitted to myself that I had long ago detoured from the enthused, energetic person I'd known myself to be, I felt the pain of the years of self-denial come rushing through my heart like a 1,000 foot high bursting dam. It was a lot. It was heavy. It was the break I needed.
I worked through my "new awareness", my anxious sadness and fear with a spiritual practitioner (2 actually ;-) and began to heal the stringent depravation I had placed upon myself. I'm smiling as I think back to myself cracking open, I was so scared! I've come a long way. I can trust the unknown. I'm okay with my self-doubt. I know how to bring in my self-doubt slayer or my self-doubt soother - whichever one I need in the moment - to take care of me. I know how to be there for myself because my spiritual practitioners were there for me until I could believe. They were there to help me see my strength and my dreams.
I had a tuff time getting this site up, and it's not perfect, but I kept on. I got help and I continue to ask for help. I trust. I'm working with a business mentor who called me out. Even with all the progress I've made, I was still hiding. I don't have to know "why," I'm just thankful for the help. She helped me see that my fear was masquerading as "website perfection" and letting go of that allowed me take the first step toward my dream of opening the doors of my soul coaching practice on-line so I could connect with and help a lot more people work through their stuff.
Help is alright. Help is good. I help. I get help. And so it goes. We all help each other and that is indeed, a very good thing.
RSS Feed
